200 crappy words. Enjoy.
Ever since I was a young girl, I remember looking in the mirror and hating what I saw. Kids at school thought I was anorexic because my ADHD medication limited my appetite. It wasn't only that, I remember every time I had a crush on a boy, somehow, I would always screw it up or not be picked. I fear it was the lack of confidence and too much care, likely.
Even today, one would think I would have high confidence in myself, but actually my confidence has never been lower. I still look in the mirror and hate what I see. Ruining my face with stress and anxiety, yes, that's probably it. I always feared putting my words and content out on the internet because of the trolls and haters. This year, that's something I was to fight. I want to fight for confidence in myself. It probably sounds insane, but by forcing myself to post and be active on social media for myself. It's not so much that I care what everyone else is posting and it's not a comparison game for me, it's more about feeling comfortable in my own skin. I don't, but I want to. People can say all day long, "but you're so .... (fill in the blank)" ... beautiful, smart, epic... but it doesn't matter what people say, it matters what I believe.
The Feeling-Side of Hope is not being supporting by the Thinking-Side. The Thinking-Side of Hope is focusing on the insecurities with my body, things people have said to my face or behind my back, and the evidence built up to say that I could fail. This is coming from Mark Manson's "Everything is F*cked" book.
You can follow me on Facebook or Instagram, or even now YouTube, if you want to keep up with my experiment to see if I can learn to love who I am.
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